we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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