She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
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