As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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