swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize