The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
