Come see our sink grown plant.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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