and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
