Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
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