Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
