Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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