At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
