am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
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