apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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