Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
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