She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
