Duck Duck Cougar?
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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