Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
