So drunk, too bad you don't want this
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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