This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
