i was rollin on her like bob the builder
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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