..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
can u get pink eye on your cock?
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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