it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
