We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
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