i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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