While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Randomize
