Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
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