I think I died a long time ago.
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
