youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
She's just so happy...and so naked.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
