I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
50% drunk capacity currently
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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