Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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