Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
The convent might be a nice break from real life
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
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