i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
