so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
