I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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