Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Bring me that man meat
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
