Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
