How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
