if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize