Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
