everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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