fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
