Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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