i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
