that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
i may or may not be watching the land before time
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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