Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
