i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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