Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Randomize
