FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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