Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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