my room smells like sperm. sweet.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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