We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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