don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
