I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
