Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Do vagina's smell?
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
