A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
