Sry I called you an 8
She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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