Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize