Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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