i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
