I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
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